Sunday, April 20, 2008

What's left for Coors Light?

Is there anything left for Coors Light to do? They have the "freshness liner," the color temperature indicator, born on date, and now the vent. I think Coors Brewing Co. has a think tank that sits around and tries to find new ways to make the can cooler. It's scarily akin to Steve Jobs at MacWorld where he says "One more thing." It feels like Coors Light makes a new debut of their can every quarter. Their latest modification, "the vent" is clever for two reason. One, it allows Coors Light to brag about its new design and improved "drinkability," and two, the vent allows more beer to exit the can at a faster rate so more beer gets consumed. Luckily, the alcoholic beverage industry has created the word "drinkability" to mask the truth. If I were in the Coors Light think tank I know what my next suggestion would be. "Shotgun enabled cans!" The can would have another tab on the side of the can, so the consumer can shotgun the beer without ever stabbing a knife or pen into the side. All the Coors Light stunts seem so silly. I would never be more compelled to buy the beer. In fact, all the superfluous additions aggravate me and make me want to find the least expensive and innovative beer on the market. Someone should invent "Party Beer" and market it as such. Coors Light, Bud Light, Miller Light and all the other light beers except for Amstel should be in the "party section" of the supermarket. There is nothing about their taste that is interesting, and they serve no purpose other than low calorie intoxication. If you ever compare one of the aforementioned beers to something of substance like Dogfish Head the difference is incomprehensible. Therefore, Coors Light should exploit their party audience and make their next can a pinata. When you finish it, you can bash it with a plastic bat and little pieces of confetti appear. I like it.