Long Island

While spending Memorial Day in Fire Island, I realized how weird a name Long Island really is. We say it all the time and never actually think about the name itself. Long Island. It's nothing more than a very basic topographical description of land. You won't appreciate the humor unless you can imagine yourself having a conversation with a Native American hundreds of years ago. [He has a stereotypically heavy Native American accent]

Me: "Hello Chief, where are you from?"

Chief: "Long Island."

You see what I mean? It's pretty weird.

Twitter defines real fame.

Twitter has made the definiton of fame crystal clear. If your death doesn't become a trending topic, you're not famous. Simple as that. A few hours ago Macho Man Randy Savage died, and now #ripmachoman, Savage, and Slim Jim are all trending on Twitter. That guy was truly famous! A big part of his fame came from his work as the spokesperson for Slim Jim, which is extra special for me because I worked for the guys that created the "Snap into a Slim Jim" campaign. That aside, it's amazing how Twitter and fame go hand in hand. #JustSayin'

The iPad of Yesteryear

The other night I was at a party and someone went to change the music. Right as they went to hit "next track" the song advanced on its own. Was this magic? A new piece of technology? Something from the future? Nope. It was just my friend across the room using a remote control. Everyone turned their heads for a second, realized it was a remote control, and returned to normal conversation. But I couldn't. I felt like I was thrust back to some 1970's party, where the host was a super rich mogul who silenced the room with his magical remote control. All the guests stared at the host like he was a deity, waving his Jetsonian remote in the air. It was the iPad of yesteryear. I imagine it debuted at The World's Fair, and some sort of larger than life character captivated an entire audience. "Ladies and Gentlemen, what I'm about to show is going to change the way we control our appliances. It will allow you to change the channel from the couch, switch frequencies from your mattress, and impress countless women across the world. Allow me to introduce you to The Remote Control!" It's mind-boggling how something so revolutionary became so ordinary. The iPad is no different. When our children stumble across an iPad commercial in 2050, they're going to laugh, show their friends, and buy one off eBay to use as Halloween accessory. So next time you change the channel, remember you're holding the iPad of yesteryear.

Mother Nature. Father Time.

I woke up this morning and couldn't get this out of my head. Mother Nature and Father Time. I don't know why and don't know what it means. What happens if they have a kid? Does the 7-year itch ever occur? Are there any rainy days? If the weather is always good and time flies when you're having fun does their relationship have any legs? I don't know. So many questions.

LOL LOST

LOL LOST its meaning. Now if you laugh from something someone wrote to you, you have to respond with "I literally just laughed out loud." So what happened to LOL? It's been marginalized, falling between "haha" and the seemingly endless "hahahahhahahaha." It's amazing how we've taken our spoken language and made so many different iterations of the written word to best replicate it. Let's not forget about the capitalized "HAHAHAHAHAHAH." That one means that you are smiling really big, but not "literally laughing out loud." I can't wait to see what happens when people try to communicate sadness the same way. That should be "wah wah."

haha

Over the past decade communication transitioned from speech to type, and I thought it appropriate to spend a little time honoring the most malleable word of the past decade haha. Haha is the one word that can be used in any conversation and the recipient will never truly know the inflection of the sender.

Let's say you're chatting with someone; you've got a million things on your plate, no time for them, and they just made a really bad joke. Simply respond with haha or hahahah and they'll never know you're totally ignoring them. However, haha can be a truly genuine word too.

If you and a friend are chatting and they tell you a funny story, haha is a heartfelt response. It's akin to American culture in genreal. Haha is the typed version of the obligatory laugh. The laugh performed after any face to face or phone conversation that veers off course. It's disarming and we as Americans learn from a young age that it's imperative to be friendly and smiley all the time even if it's totally phony. So thank you haha. HAHA!

The Realist: A Pessimist in an Optimist's clothing.

The dictionary definition of a realist is "a person who tends to view or represent things as they really are." Isn't that inherently limiting? Doesn't that mean they take reality and probability into account? Can anything incredible be achieved by a realist? Was Einstein, Spielberg, Obama, Hawking or anyone who's done anything impressive a realist? I think not.

Realists are nothing more than pessimists in optimists' clothing. They hate to admit they're pessimists, so they created "realism." Sure, realists may not be Debbie Downers like some stereotypical pessimists, but at the end of they day, they can't believe in the impossible. And if you can't believe in the impossible then you can't achieve it.